"Life isn't about surviving the storm...it is about learning to dance in the rain." Anonymous

Monday, October 31, 2011

Meeting milestones

Everyone always talks about the tough milestones that come during that first year after loss:  due date, first holidays without your baby, one year anniversary of the loss, etc.  I met all of those, some harder than others.   For some reason, the first anniversary of my loss wasn't as hard as attending a Halloween party and seeing babies dressed in costumes.  But, I made it through the first year and now, almost the second.  Well, with that said, I met a huge milestone on Saturday.  My dear friend delivered her baby on Saturday and I was faced with the decision of whether or not to visit.  Throughout her pregnancy (if you follow this blog, you may remember that this is the friend who told me she was pregnant last spring in the middle of a restaurant and I didn't react very well), I was filled with anxiety.  While I certainly wanted her to have a safe, healthy delivery, I felt sorry for myself. 

So, Saturday came and I decided to make the trip to the hospital to visit.  Sometimes I surprise myself!  I did totally fine.  I think all the anticipation was worse than the actual event, if that makes sense?  I found myself not only doing OK, but actually feeling excited and happy for her.  Imagine that!  I bought some little girl things to take and was delighted in the shopping....another surprise, because baby girls are hard for me. 

I think when it came down to it, I realized that, while it was a baby (a beautiful baby, by the way), it wasn't MY baby.  I realized I can feel happy for my friend and even joyous, and it is ok.  Anyway, thought I would share.  That is a milestone I had been dreading and it didn't knock me down. 

If you want to share some of the milestones you have dreaded or had a hard (or surprisingly easy) time with, please feel free to post or email.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Amazing article

My friend sent me a link to a great PNL story.  The link is:  http://www.jsonline.com/news/opinion/the-heartache-of-infant-loss-131289299.html.  I read it as I was getting ready for the Walk to Remember on Sunday.  On a day that I was already reflecting on my baby and the impact the loss of her has had on my family, that article really hit home.  It made me think about things that I would love to do with my daughter, like taking her out for a Happy Meal or an art class for toddlers. 

If you read the article, make sure to read the reader comments below it.  It amazes me everyday how cold people can be about pregnancy and infant loss.  I know that they just don't get it...how can they if they can make comments like that?  I put the link on my facebook page and a pregnant friend of mine actually commented on how upsetting it was for her and that it ruined her mood for her baby shower later that day.  I didn't know what to say other than it was a link that said infant loss, so why did she click on it to read it if she didn't want to read about infant loss?? 

The Walk to Remember was awesome!  Very beautiful.  If you have pictures that you would like to send, please do!  I will post as many as I can.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

I am loss

Hugs to everyone of you as today is the official beginning of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month.  What will you do during the month?  Attend the Walk to Remember or another event?  Attend a prayer service?  Spend quiet time with your family or friends just remembering?  I have just been on the Faces of Loss website -- see link to the right.  I love that site!  We are all faces of loss, no matter what our story.  I am the face of 22 week loss due to placenta previa.  I want to tell my story, as most of us do.  We should always be given the chance.  There is nothing that someone can do to hurt a bereaved parent more than not asking about their baby's story or even worse, not listening to it.  So, today, I am thinking of my story and the fact that I am Elizabeth's mommy and that through her life and her death, I am a changed (mostly for the better  ; )  ) human being.  What is your story?  What are you the face of?