Everyone always talks about the tough milestones that come during that first year after loss: due date, first holidays without your baby, one year anniversary of the loss, etc. I met all of those, some harder than others. For some reason, the first anniversary of my loss wasn't as hard as attending a Halloween party and seeing babies dressed in costumes. But, I made it through the first year and now, almost the second. Well, with that said, I met a huge milestone on Saturday. My dear friend delivered her baby on Saturday and I was faced with the decision of whether or not to visit. Throughout her pregnancy (if you follow this blog, you may remember that this is the friend who told me she was pregnant last spring in the middle of a restaurant and I didn't react very well), I was filled with anxiety. While I certainly wanted her to have a safe, healthy delivery, I felt sorry for myself.
So, Saturday came and I decided to make the trip to the hospital to visit. Sometimes I surprise myself! I did totally fine. I think all the anticipation was worse than the actual event, if that makes sense? I found myself not only doing OK, but actually feeling excited and happy for her. Imagine that! I bought some little girl things to take and was delighted in the shopping....another surprise, because baby girls are hard for me.
I think when it came down to it, I realized that, while it was a baby (a beautiful baby, by the way), it wasn't MY baby. I realized I can feel happy for my friend and even joyous, and it is ok. Anyway, thought I would share. That is a milestone I had been dreading and it didn't knock me down.
If you want to share some of the milestones you have dreaded or had a hard (or surprisingly easy) time with, please feel free to post or email.