Hello!! I am so sorry it has been way too long since I have written. Things have been a bit hectic. I went out of town and then have just been playing catch up.
If you have read this blog for a while, you may know that I love the beach. I am most definitely a summer girl. No mountains for me....it is the beach that makes me happy. You know also, too, that since I lost my baby daughter, it is our big summer beach trip to Longboat Key that makes me really miss her the most. Strangely, for me, it is not Christmas or Mother's Day. It is the summer family trip and Halloween (I know that is odd, but I can't help it) that affect me the most. Maybe because during that trip, my family spends so much time together. It, for us, is our time to not think about anything but family, take our family beach pictures, spend time with cousins, etc, etc. It makes me remember that there is a little girl missing. A little girl who would be 3 and a half, who may or may not like the ocean, who would probably love flying a kite, who would be so pooped by the end of the day that her daddy and I would put her to bed early. A little girl with pink cheeks and probably blonde hair. Oh, I miss that girl! Which confuses me so much....how do you miss what you don't know? I guess I miss knowing her. I have missed it all. And sometimes that hits me like a freight train.
It is crazy, though, that for the past couple of years, when I start to get really down about missing her on our trip, I see something that just takes my breath away. One year it was a school of about 10 dolphins that put on a show right in front of me. Last year, it was the manatee that came and drank right from a water hose I was holding on a dock! Well, this year, just as I was about to start crying, I laid my head on my knees and looked to the left and this is what I saw....
Isn't that gorgeous?! The crazy part is that it had not rained yet. It was cloudy, but no rain. I just love that rainbow right over my favorite ocean. Such a precious message from my sweet girl. Just reminding me that she was right there with us.
A very dear person made some memory boxes for our office recently. They are amazing. She is so creative and took so much time making them and really poured her heart into them. She is another mom who is missing her baby.
One of her boxes had the following quote from the A.A. Milne Winnie the Pooh series:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.”
― A.A. Milne
I needed to read that. I hope she knows how much that touched me and will touch the family who reads it. There is so much truth and wisdom in that statement.
So, I am now obsessed with what I call "Pooh Wisdom". I have read some of the most loved quotes from A.A. Milne. What incredible works of literature! I have never noticed before, but most of Pooh's best-loved quotes speak right to your soul.
So, here is to rainbows on the beach. And a honey bear named Pooh and all of his sidekicks. And to all of you who are right there with me, missing the part of you that is no longer here. We are all in this together, one small step at a time.