What is normal?? 3/25/2011
A couple of months after I lost my daughter, one of my close friends said to me, " Where's my old friend? I'm ready to have her back. You're just not the same anymore." I remember feeling really hurt and upset and thinking, "Of course I am not the same. I just lost my beautiful baby. I won't ever be the same again." Did she really feel like I didn't want to feel like myself again?? Did she think I enjoyed being sad, mad, bitter, and any other emotion that could hit me on any given day?
So, 17 months later, this is what I have learned: I have discovered that I am still here. I am still searching for my "normal". While I am not the same in some ways, the person that I am still exists. It has taken me a while to understand this. In some ways, this new person is better. I have more empathy and compassion. I find joy in things that I didn't notice before my baby died. I have felt the awful devastation and grief of the loss of someone I cherished and somehow, I have had the strength to make it. I view my friendships with others in different ways and I search for different qualities in my friendships with others. Lastly, I have found solace in other people who are travelling this same journey. (Yes, this is a journey!) They, along with my own spirituality, bring me peace.
So, am I normal? I guess so...maybe not the old, normal "me", but a new normal. And then I think...I am different because of my daughter and that must be a good thing, because she was all goodness and I want the footprints that she left on me to be a positive reflection of her and to shape me into a better person.
Have any of you struggled with this? Or have other comments by friends or family hurt your heart?
So, 17 months later, this is what I have learned: I have discovered that I am still here. I am still searching for my "normal". While I am not the same in some ways, the person that I am still exists. It has taken me a while to understand this. In some ways, this new person is better. I have more empathy and compassion. I find joy in things that I didn't notice before my baby died. I have felt the awful devastation and grief of the loss of someone I cherished and somehow, I have had the strength to make it. I view my friendships with others in different ways and I search for different qualities in my friendships with others. Lastly, I have found solace in other people who are travelling this same journey. (Yes, this is a journey!) They, along with my own spirituality, bring me peace.
So, am I normal? I guess so...maybe not the old, normal "me", but a new normal. And then I think...I am different because of my daughter and that must be a good thing, because she was all goodness and I want the footprints that she left on me to be a positive reflection of her and to shape me into a better person.
Have any of you struggled with this? Or have other comments by friends or family hurt your heart?
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