"Life isn't about surviving the storm...it is about learning to dance in the rain." Anonymous

Monday, June 6, 2011

What is normal?? 3/25/2011

A couple of months after I lost my daughter, one of my close friends said to me, " Where's my old friend?  I'm ready to have her back.  You're just not the same anymore."  I remember feeling really hurt and upset and thinking, "Of course I am not the same.  I just lost my beautiful baby.  I won't ever be the same again."  Did she really feel like I didn't want to feel like myself again??  Did she think I enjoyed being sad, mad, bitter, and any other emotion that could hit me on any given day? 

So, 17 months later, this is what I have learned:  I have discovered that I am still here.  I am still searching for my "normal".   While I am not the same in some ways, the person that I am still exists.  It has taken me a while to understand this.  In some ways, this new person is better.   I have more empathy and compassion.  I find joy in things that I didn't notice before my baby died.  I have felt the awful devastation and grief of the loss of someone I cherished and somehow, I have had the strength to make it.  I view my friendships with others in different ways and I search for different qualities in my friendships with others.  Lastly, I have found solace in other people who are travelling this same journey.  (Yes, this is a journey!)   They, along with my own spirituality, bring me peace.

So, am I normal?  I guess so...maybe not the old, normal "me", but a new normal.  And then I think...I am different because of my daughter and that must be a good thing, because she was all goodness and I want the footprints that she left on me to be a positive reflection of her and to shape me into a better person.

Have any of you struggled with this?  Or have other comments by friends or family hurt your heart?
 

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